I had hearing aids fitted for the first time yesterday. They itch like mad! Now I can't help looking into other people's ears to see if they have this in common with me. I'm still not sure whether I am deaf, I imagine I am deaf or both. Very difficult. I do tend to imagine I'm ill, all part of having been depressed, so very often I think I'm dying. I do injure up the most amazing symptoms. One of the first as I began to go into depression was flashing lights. Oh my God, first it was to be a brain tumour, then it was my eyes, then it was migraine. I wore dark glasses and looked most ungorgeous in them but the personal firework display was incredible. Sometimes even five years later I can have the odd flashing light but since I know it isn't real it has rather lost its sparkle.
The itching of the ears stops when I can think of anything else but distraction is difficult when you live by yourself and are supposed to write. Are things louder? Well, I'm rather hoping that when I do go somewhere crowded I will be able to overhear fascinating conversations. So far all I've got to prove anything is that I had to turn down the volume on Alexander and Richard during Pointless. Pointless is my favourite programme, I don't know why, I can never answer any questions, I think it's the time of day, tea time literally and put your feet up Liz and now that I can turn down the volume I feel quite proud of myself though when I go to bed life is quite complicated.
First I have to take off my glasses and clean them, then I have to unstick my breast prosthesis and scrub it for the next day and now I have to clean my hearing aids and box them safely. Apparently when you get used to them you forget to take them out and end up with crunching noises in the shower and that sinking feeling that goes with having to let them dry out.
Which piece of my body is going to give up next? It could be my puffy ankles.I had such good ankles too, I do regret them. My waist is gone and since I tend to have fish and chips regularly it's not going to get any better so I can safely give away all the gorgeous frocks which are too small.
I have a bought a lovely full length silver skirt from M&S. Also I have bought ( and put together, aren't you proud of me?) a shoe rack which dominates the hall. All my sparkly silver, gold and white shoes sit there as if I was off to a party or to Majorca at any moment. They catch the sunlight which comes in from either side of the door.
Last year I bought a full length black velvet gown in case I decide to afford the opera in Milan. You never know.
I have size 2 ears, I always thought they were rather big but perhaps I'm related to a rabbit or some kind of hound. One of the reasons I have hair which comes over them! The hearing aids cannot be seen.Perhaps people will be grateful when I stop saying 'What?' but will I still have an excuse not to go to some things for which I keep saying ,'it's no use, I can't hear'. What if I can hear? I shall have to buy a dog or a cat or a frail husband who can't be left alone for more than an hour. Mind you with puffy ankles I can't stand around for long. I need seats at bars and in good restaurants and at the opera and the ballet and the theatre. Sitting down is me and I have always had a large bottom so at least that hasn't changed, at least I think not.