Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Paddy's - the best taxis in town

Some time since in a land far away I had a very bad evening, Actually, it was more than a bad evening, it was a bloody bad three years and I was fed up. I had a friend who was similarly afflicted. She was having the worst time ever. And we went into town and had a drink and then she said the immortal words,
'I have some brandy at my house.'
Now I love brandy. I never drink it. I gave up drinking it when I decided how much I liked it, otherwise I would have been whiling away my afternoons in a sweet blur which wouldn't do at all however much inclined I am. I come from a very upright family. I'm not kidding. We have stained glass windows in one of the local churches dedicated to various people within the family.You can't get much more upright than that.
So, as I was saying, I was having a very bad time and the brandy was expensive and we had a lovely evening.
I felt great. The trouble was when the brandy bottle was empty I couldn't stand up. Very odd somehow. So she said she would call me a taxi.
We always call Paddy's. They are reliable. They are on time, helpful, lovely.
 I fell over when I went outside.This I think was to be expected. After that I don't remember a great deal.
I do remember waking up in the morning. Rather like Paddington Bear with his wellingtons, I was still wearing my trainers. My trainers are lovely. They are Merrills and they are grey and pink but I hadn't ever been to bed in them before. Also I still had my coat on.
I didn't have a hang over. It was only when I tried to get out of bed that the difficulties started. Going to the loo was all I managed that day. I didn't even venture down the stairs. The following morning I was fine.
The second part of this story begins some time later when I was going to a very up market do at the castle. It was one of these lovely outdoor affairs with lots of champagne and the like and I was going with friends.
I ordered my taxi. I saw it arrive. I went outside.
A very large man got out and looked at me and I looked at him and I smiled politely and I thought is there something the matter and then he started to laugh. He didn't stop for quite a long time and when he did he said,
'The last time I saw you love I was carrying you in your front door,'  or something to that effect. I was so taken aback I can't remember the words and he started laughing again.
'Eh,' he said, 'it's a good thing you only weigh eight stone. I had to pick you up twice.'
Well, I don't weigh eight stone but he's big and didn't  notice.  I'm too old for embarrassment. I laughed.
We went to the do after he dropped us off. Coming back we decided to pick up a taxi in the market place and lo and behold there he was again, laughing like mad and telling all his mates that I ripped his shirt off his back.
I said 'you should  be so lucky' but for days after that every time I saw certain taxis the drivers were all waving at me.
I don't suppose they would read this. They're northern men through and through, they're not demonstrative and I wouldn't like to embarrass them but Paddy's are officially the best taxis in town.

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